The Great Lost Romance of the Mix Tape

The pure physicality of it. The fact that you had to flip the tape over to hear the rest. The lack of ease of skipping songs, making it something you almost had to listen to in its entirety. The flow, trying to place the upbeat songs near the beginning of each side.

It just seemed more romantic to give your crush a well-decorated cassette tape than some sort of mp3 playlist or a cheap burned CD...

Los Dos Amigos

Born in Illinois to a black farmer and a Nova Scotian black bear, Ms. Tess Tickle makes her living selling canned dandruff door to door in eastern Europe.

Words of wisdom.

As Michael Jackson sang (or at least seemed to) in "Man in the Mirror:"

"And no mustache coulda banged any Clippers."

Which clearly foretold Dirk Nowitzki's 50 point night against the Suns.

Hurricanes in 6.

Facts about Unknown Eric.

Unknown Eric has electric guitars in his heart.

Unknown Eric hates everybody except you.

Unknown Eric killed the Music Man with a pool cue to the skull.

Unknown Eric wants to go where you never let him before.

Unknown Eric is a puzzle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a comforter.

Unknown Eric never taunts happy fun ball.

Unknown Eric once ate an oak tree on a dare.

Unknown Eric's mutant power is turning off streetlights with his mind.

SNORKS ON A PLANE!!

Just a bunch of lame-ass underwater Smurfs if you ask me.

SNACKS ON A PLANE!

Can I interest you in some peanuts?

SNAKES ON A PLANE!!!

Snakes.

On a plane.

I'm just gonna sit back and let that sink in.